for today and for some more days to come, Snake (the cell phone game) is the greatest invention. Well, you see, it doesent take much these days to get me distracted. but brother dearest has set high standards for me. 738 is almost unachieveable. can't go beyond 240. geeks thinks, that's a commendable score for me considering that i managed to reach the 3 digit figure. shit, my brain to finger co-ordination sucks!!

Vijay Mallya (king of boozards, follower of the (F)Art of Living and Bappi Lahiri's closest competition when it comes to wearing jewellery) is back in the TOI. Actually when was he ever out of it. Pa, used to tell me about his impressive public speaking skills.(those were the days where life was all about presentations and winning debates and elocutions.)
"We are in a business that will never make losses, when people are happy they drink, when people are sad they drink."

watched the 100 best ad films this year at sydenham. awesome ads. that's one of the good things about capitalism; loads of creativity at display.

today was deepa and vibha's fun day. we went all over nariman point and dropped off our cv's at business line and outlook and business india. the last time i went to business india i was on an anti business india trip coz i was doing that bschool rankings story and how they were such a farce and stuff. talk about changing loyalities.

so this guy at business line told us to be really sure before we choose to work in a business newspaper, because generally you tend to get typecast. so there goes my dad's dream of me becoming the next sucheta dalal.

these days since i am jobless i spend my time by acting as a guinea pig for psychology experiments. shaznin , the hot bawi chick wants to do criminal psychology. i am convinced shaz thinks i am a loser. i mean all the memory experiments i have done so far, i have done miserably. haev been humiliated but refuse to give up.

in xavier's when u are in first year of junior college and stuff, you are overawed by the psycho lab and wonder what kind of research takes place inside. and we used to wait for an opportunity to be used as subjects for experiments. but then you grow out of it. majoring in psychology was like a masochistic act or something.

my association with the pycho lab ended with the movies that were shown in the dept.

i wonder if i will ever be able to do anything earthi shattering in this life.

in xavier's everybody thought i would end up in the NBA or something. actually i dont mind painting anti dam and anti globalisation posters for medha patkar right now.

screw tehelka.

failed to make it at Asian Age. was made to write a report on a forest dept killing a killer elelphant. well, being the city bred moron that i was i couldn't make up stuff. and there was no information provided. maybe shibbs has a better chance of cracking this.

so was told that i had no imagination. "Journalists need imagination."

wish i had got to meet olga tellis at least. apparently she is doing some killer stuff at asian age about some big shot builder who is violating laws in mumbai.

Dad said, "Asian Age!! They hardly have circulation. The only place i have ever read them is on flights."

so met this Tam Bram couple at Asian Age who had come to meet Olga. they thought i would make a great journalist. i think it is that clan mentality at play.

i was just thinking about this the other day. what is it that makes one an intellectual? i know i will never be one. dont have enough power over language to even sound like one. but at the end of the day is it worth it, to have noble ideas and not have the ability to communicate them in a language that is decodeable?

after ACJ, the most overused term in my life is 'pseudo', for obvious reasons.

intellectualism sometimes brings along with itself a certain arrogance that just refuses to let you get down from your high and mighty position and communicate, simply. the most obvious observations are then worded in the most cumbersome manner and reeks of pretentiousness.

according to J.Krishnamurthy, accumulating knowledge is like accumulating wealth. and that you have to abandon knowledge to seek the truth. i dunno how one can abandon knowledge.

well, i think there are somethings that are beyond me. Like i will never look at a drop of water or a coffee stain and start off philosophising or write a poem about. i think i am too grounded in reality. i dunno what i will become but an intellectual i will never be. and i dunno if i will ever regret it.

well, that's one career option down. haha.

On second thoughts, hanging around with guys like geo, geeks can also be extremely embarassing. generally, they go about yelling at people on the roads, or pissing off waiters, etc.

NDTV is sinking lower and lower. Rajdeep Sardesai stands in front of Zaveri Bazaar and clearly spells out which is the Hindu area and which is the Muslim area, when that was of no purpose, but could be of disastrous consequences given the current circumstances in the country.

I am fed up of listening to the nth person telling me that idealism in journalism doesent exist anymore. I wonder if idealism itself exists anymore.

why is it that the people you admire and love and almost worship are the ones who can never think like you or even connect with you? it almost becomes imperative for you to stay away from that person in order to maintain that relationship.

suhas's b'day. so decided to make his day today. geeks and i got him Atlas Shrugged. geeks wanted to get him an abc book or something. i mean generally his funda baout how one should always give wacky gifts to people. that way they remember your gifts and you. but unfortunately he had to succumb to my demands of giving suhas a decent gift. i am sure he thinks i am a killjoy.

so spent the day with four guys. i always wanted to be a guy. i mean apart from the usual crap about how it's so much easier being a guy in the world, i think a guy's world is so much more different. so many questions that you never have to worry about answering. i mean even simple stuff like, "when are u gonna get home, it's getting late." make so much of a difference to your life. or even the way a guy thinks is so damn different. guys are so much more hassle free. i mean no hang ups, no nothing. i also thinks guys are better at logical reasoning. and have a wider perspective in life, generally. actually right now i wish no feminist reads my blog. but honestly i think guys are much more fun. they can just let go.

so geo has got himself a job, took us to his office, showed off in front of the coffee vending machine and then introduced us to his seniors there. it's kinda weird hanging around with engineers. sometimes i wonder what i would have been if not a journalist. i mean would i have been happy with a nice office and a comp to myself? would i have been able to sit through the day selling soaps, shampoos, telephones or credit cards or loans to people whom i have never met or spoken to? would i have ever been able to crack the CAT or the GRE?

i need closure. closure from mumbai, from my family..from everyone i know and those who know me. generally, i think i need time to think things out. is this normal for a 21 year old?

so survived the blasts today. it is humanly impossible to secure this city from bomb blasts, but the blasts defintely were an in- your- face act. well, as for the media, they cuoldn't be more irresponsible. What was first resported as 6 blasts, then mellowed down to 4 and then was finally watered down to 2 blasts in the city. so much for media shouting themselves hoarse and warning aam junta to turn a deaf ear to rumours. all this while they happily spread rumours themselves. media ethics is at its lowest and i am going to be a part of this set up. this establishment, which prides itself about being an independent, unbiased, medium.
i mean BBC called Zaveri Bazaar, Mumbadevi, a hindu temple. they were taking their footage off our channels, but they had their own correspondent. one Srivastav dude. Rajdeep sardesai was all gung ho about the blast and was hyperventilating and then sheepishly admitted that there were only 2 blasts. i mean ridiculous. and these are supposed to be the demi gods of journalism in our country.

you know sometimes, we are so busy cribbing in life that we don't realise that we are so much more blessed than so many others across the globe. just the fact that i am living and have a higher probability of seeing the sun tomorrow makes me luckier than millions of others.

that IIPM dude is at it again. this time it's a book on The Great Indian Dream. Andy Warhole said, "in the future everyone will have fifteen minutes of fame." i wish some people didn't.

Q) What can be worse than one Mahesh Bhatt?
A) Two Mahesh Bhatts. (I2I on NDTV is the most awful programme ever. )

i felt miserable watching Shekhar Gupta interviewing a moron like Salman Khan. I mean, it's criminal to make Gupta do soemthing like that.

hmm, let's see, this was close to being my worst day this week but shibbs saved the day. hail Shivani!! well, so i reach the Ngo that we are supposed to colect our cassette from dripping wet, beacuse i had left my umbrella at the ngo the previous day. and no prizes for guessing, majlis (the ngo) was shut!! so waited for deepa for like eternity and then landed at Shibbs place.

we saw a really boring Afghan documentary called Afghan Alphabet, i mean the voice over could give Manyu (nothing personal) a superiority complex (!) also watched an Afghan film called Kandahar. ok types.

after that we borrowed a film, Just Married. A stupid comedy, but something that you can watch with friends in a group. one of those pointless things that u need to do to stay sane.

Krishna Ananth has threatened to take me to the Bangalore Press Club if i get a job there. haha.

i was just going through my blog, and i think if i ever write a book it will be a lousy one. but it will be a book nonetheless.

It's amazing to see someone so untouched, unfazed, unaltered. i nearly hit the ceiling when i heard Charu's voice.

so i was waiting at Bandra for her. and she was in this rick, worried that she had made me wait for too long. after three years fifteen minutes was peanuts in comparison. and then she sticks her head out of the rick and waves madly. jumps out before the rick could halt and we hug each other like five year olds. it felt like she had almost never been away. we go back to the old colony, take a walk and talk and everything sounds ancient. we eat bhutta (maize for non hindi audience) on the beach. thank god for suburbs in mumbai. maize near my place costs 15 bucks!! i mean it costs almost heaven and earth for the simple pleasures of life in this side of the city. so, it's almost as if nothing has changed.

finally finished sub- titling my gujarat film. finally. ad then they send us our tapes. i swear kamaal will pay for this.

so chickened out of ID Rock this year as well. suhas and geo nearly got me in, but i saw the crowd and backed out. these rockers are a strange, scary, lot. i mean i thought this generation was all about asserting your individuality. then how come every one looks like every other one? maybe i need to move out of mumbai.

Aruna Roy is back in action. spreading awareness about the upcoming elections.

it was that blasted virus or worm as suhas would say, that ruined my weeked. well, for once i wished i was downgraded to Windows 98. i have realised i am doomed. i come from a communal family. my dad was most interested in what the VHP dude in the film had to say.

but u knwo what, all that doesnt matter. coz i met charu. and i cant describe it. i am still very excited. so will write later.

i have decided to show every film I make to my maid. she is the only one who thinks i am really smart. after all these days i showed my gujarat film to my parents and it didn't elicit the slightest response. the only comment i did get, "who is monica?" i am never going to be a parent, made up my mind on that one. i am really annoyed. i really am. i rrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeealllllllly am.

ok, so my tummy decided to revolt against me, and i was thrown totally out of action yesterday. paro is on her way to becoming Geeta Anand (the latest pulitzer chick). She is hobnobbing with the bigwigs in media. very soon she will be having them eating out of her hands..knowing paro that is...hahaha.

Charu is finally coming to mumbai..good ol' charu. charu is the coolest chick in the world, also happens to be my chaddi buddy. (well, not literally of course.) her dad used to really admire vajpayee. there was a point when i used to as well. i mean I didn't go as far as patnaik, who wrote a letter to him and laminated his response. but nonetheless. but then that admiration was an uninformed one which was one of those many illusions you harbour as a growing adolescent. and illusions are meant to disappear.

there are somethings that just aren't destined to happen, like meeting anisha. i mean i have gone to pune thrice to meet her and haven't got a glimpse of her. i mean i get to meet all the unnecessary people but her. anisha for all of u is this really wild girl who doesen't have a care in the world and i am her biggest fan. haha. at least that is what nan says. i remember how we used to go for math and stats tuitions and she would freak on looking at numbers. and then we would spend hours dreaming about our lives.

brother dearest is getting adapted to the ways of the aussie land.

Prof. Mathew from college asked me if had my own movement already. for him i was always the trade unionist. haha.

so took off to pune for what was supposed to be for a day but turned out to be two days. nandini, her father and me. henceforth nandini's dad is the coolest dad ever. he took us to plush south east asian restaurants and we had exotic food to eat. food from malaysia, japan, china, etc. and food we couldn't pronounce. haha. nan tried to piss off the head waiter by making him pronounce every food on the list. hahahha.

also attended law lecs with nan. it felt a bit like xavier's, taking down dictated notes and all, pretending to take down notes using paint brushes as pens, coz we didn't have note books or pens. may be i should have done law. i mean it seems interesting and stuff.

after that we went house hunting for nan. so everybody we meet tells us that there is a lady called Sharon Pani who was taking paying guests. and so we hunt for her place. and when we finally reach there, it's a Mrs. Sharangpani. hahaha. all our dreams about a hep Catholic chick waiting to give us a dream accomodation was flushed down when we met this really old, nearly senile lady who nearly ate us up. really!! i mean, she would jump at us for every question asked.

and then we left in the evening after an awesome lunch. expensive again. on the way nan's dad was telling us intersting stories about Ramakant Vada Pav wala, who has been on the mumbai pune highway for donkeys of years and how he bribed the officials to let him set shop on the new expressway, and about Hyundai's aggresive marketing strategies. all this while nan kept trying to take my trip about me being anti coke and anti pepsi and anti mc donalds. she would ask, "so if you are stranded in this place with no food except mcdonalds and coke and u are going to die if you don't eat, what will you do?" and her dad would come to my rescue by changing the topic.

the drive was obviously awesome. but there is something wrong. i mean, the scenery and stuff. the usual clouds on hills, waterfalls and the green stuff. but everything looked so trite and contrived. i mean like described stuff that we read in books. and it looked as though nature had been modified to suit the description. maybe too much has been written about the beauties of nature. the fun of experiencing things first hand has just gone away. i mean there are some things that you don't want described, you just want to experience it. like the white light in auroville. it's like a suspense film and it's a total let down if you know what is going to come up.

suhas's sis wants to be an oceanographer. kids these days. i remember how one of my early ambitions in life was to be a bus conductor. that was like at age five. suhas wanted to be a waiter. i mean talk about being ambitious. and then i wanted to be a rockstar, a nun (!), a vet and then a journo. in that order. we are such a loser generation.

by the way, if it isn't the pesitcides it will be the coke, so what's the big deal. at least now you know what's killing you.

did more docu watching...went all over the world from walkeshwar to kalina, to vile parle (the Sri Lankan babe in college made this place sound like it was in U.K.. haha) all to get our docu to reach people.

and then went for BCL digital film festival...there was one on gender discrimination in Punjab...pretty decent i thought...and there was oneon the Bhopal Gas Tragedy..which was in my opinion a royal waste of money considering that the filmmaker was on her own trip..u see ramani, the dude who criticised our rameshwaram docu was the camera person...so the film was full of walking shots..i think the filmmaker was trying hard to make a statement about being this hep thinker and trying to introduce self reflexive shots in the film..but sorry to say she failed miserably..and one gas affected guy called Sunil who was exploited to the hilt...Deepa said he was like Javed at Patiya.

also saw Aakrosh by Yusuf Mehta on the gujarat episode. it was average...I think our film should be showed after his..it's like a sequence. also..we saw Shezadi (or was it Ayesha Bibi??) and also Ayesha Bibi (or was it Shezadi??) in his film...they were also in ours...but tell you what these docu dudes have a lot of attitude...i mean 25 years of docu making and they still don't make earth shattering films, but they strut about giving this attitude bullshit to everyone. we told them about ourselves and that we wanted to work on the Best Bakery case, and the producer was telling us how they were all working for free..and how they were doing a noble deed. and crap like that.

there was this one minute film called Bhaichaara which provided the comic relief after all these films. it was made by Karan who was once upon a time from Xavier's. Rehana (also from xavier's) was aso part of it...she had a very pretty sister called mariam who was quite funny at times...Mariam would study precisely one week before the exams and do really well while i would slog a whole month.

the crowd at bcl..was BAD. filled with these teeny boppers (oh- i -want- to- make- docu- films- coz-i-want-to-look-cool types) and they laughed at all the wrong times...when people were talking about deaths of their family members and other tragedies..and there was this particularly annoying chick who was sitting behind me and kept thinking aloud..and obviously thinking aloud stupidly...i wish i had gone ahead thrown my bottle at her or something. i wish i wouldn't meet as many xavierites as i do everywhere and everytime i travel around in mumbai.

by the way, the Central Board for Film Certification sucks...they give you these forms which cannot be read coz the print quality is so bad ..to top it they do not give you two copies, you have to take xerox copies if u need anymore of the form. and there are some ten stamp papers to be submitted. i don't think our film will ever get a censor certificate anyways.

well, done a lot of documentary watching over the past two days. watched this film called naata by Anajali and Jaishanker from TISS...good film..interesting pattern of narrating...based on Dharavi and the relations betweent two people bhau korde and Waqar khan, the film looks into their efforts at bringing about communal harmony..also the whole history of dharavi..apparently it's a sequel to their first film on the city, Saacha. there was this intersting bit where the narration is about how Dharavi was entirely built by the locals residing there, and how they reclaimed the marshy lands to reside...and the visual is that of a potter moulding his clay...reminded me of our awesome jalebi sequence in our gujarat film...which we might screen at TISS this week!!

went for the film with mum..she was wondering why these arty farty people are always so strange ..and go all out to prove it right from the way they dress to the way they talk...actually the crowd had a healthy mix of downright pseuds to pretty creative people...i saw anand patwardhan..he looks good...but couldn't meet him...should probably watch his film before i meet him though...

the discussion was a disaster...people were asking stupid questions bout all kinds of social evils rather than focussin on the film..and then this guy reminded them that they should stick to the film..and nearly got into a verbal WFF with this other dude..haha.

Bhau korde came up with this really funny line in the film..."Dharavi ke upar itne log likh chuke hain, research kar chuke hain, ki shaayad unhone sabse zyaada paper kharach kiya hai aur sabse zyaada kachra kiya hai." haha.
we journalists need places like dharavi so that we can continue to write about these places and never run out of issues...a selfish lot that we are.

and thenwatched Great Britons on BBC. i wish i could work with the BBC, just for the sheer joy of writing to visuals and creating classy docus. So this week's great briton was Chruchill. well, they obviously made him look like the greatest hero. A few days before dyign he had said, " i am prepared to meet my creator, but whether my creator is prepared to go through the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." I mean what a line...reeks of arrogance, but what a line! I am sure when i die it will be such an anti claimax..like everything that has to do with me.