about the lows getting to me....

about waiting for the string to snap so that the yo-yoing stops and i can never be pulled back to where i was pushed away from...

about learning to have indiference curves for everything in life...

about realising that life unlike math does not always have reciprocals...

about falling down in pieces and quickly looking around to make sure no one's looked at you...

and then walking on as if nothing ever happened and pretending to hold your head high...even as you hear the laughs behind you....

HORRORS of HORRORS!!

Fat Punju kid declared that he liked my company at dinner time...loud enough for the next two tables full of people to hear....

i want to bury myself and never surface again!!

I give up!!

i love farewells...

they are just like funerals (sorry for the morbid comparison...)... they are quite similar...

on both these occassions...everybody is nice to everyone else...everyone has something nice to say at least to (and about) the one we are bidding farewell to...and of course there's awesome food too at the end of all those kind words...

so..it happened to be one such farewell yesterday...our director is leaving for France for a whole year...in his own words, " It was too good an offer to reject...and of course it's in France...and there are always more reasons than one to go to France!!"

hence as protocol demanded of us...the senior students had senti stories to narrate...and just when it got too senti...the coolest interjection happened.."It's not like i am going away forever...will be back in a year!" hahaha...

totally offtrack...

all those uninterrupted mating calls paid off for the resident canines..at least one of them looks the part!!

while i have paid the price for being kind to animals...am looking like a raccoon!! all that i am missing is red and black fur coat!!

tolerance levels have just dipped and reached an all time low...

now i feel like throwing chairs at everyone i come across...

i am hoping this is just a transition phase and hopefully...there will come a time...when i will be indifferent to people around me...

have been making marginal improvements in tests...and my students have been following suit...

in need of a desperate break...but don't think that's going to come my way for another month...

so when in depression there is only one solution..A HAIRCUT!! so it's back to the near-bald look...again!!

things i will now have to change about myself...

1) Co-ordinate my sleep timings at night with hostel dogs' mating calls..(which lasts precisely from 2 am until 5 am)

2) Try and not aim for the neck or kick below the belt next time the spoilt fat punju kid from Delhi asks me how much i got in my tutorials (and if i refuse to answer him, her tries to needle it out of my roomie) by the way he shops in singapore and wants to settle in the US, never fails to mention the fact that he was a merit lister in Delhi University at least once a day, cribs about Pune saying,"eew...this place is filled with biharis and localites...i am so craving for my chicken sandwich at Barista", and lo behold here comes the finale....he wants to pursue Development Economics...

3) Try and accept the fact that sometimes bad students make great teachers!! ( that would be yours truly who is yet to score well in her tutorials...but all those whom she has deigned to teach have far surpassed her!!)

i am usually never this violent...

but have pledged to throw a chair at the delhi chick who suffers from the persecution complex...at least that way she can rest in peace and believe that she really is a victim of the world...and i will finally be at peace with myself...coz my hands have been itching to do this since i came here...

am enjoying micro economics...especially coz i got a problem right using my common sense rather than the standard equation prescribed for it...i think i do have chance at economics now...

i finally topped something at Gokhale!! the English Screening test!!

so topping waiting lists are not the only areas i specialise in...

life can't get more embarassing...

precisely when i had begun to merge with the walls of Gokhale...discovered i haven't been doing anything right...like most things in my life so far...i left the merging incomplete..

so my micro prof walks upto me...in the library...in front of two other seniors and a whole lot of batchmates..."Bhiva!! Why are looking so tense?"

and i am fumbling..."umm..sir..no..me tense?? (the only thing i could complete in my life was to look like a complete village idiot at this point of time..)

I managed a, " no sir...i'm fine...i'm not tense.." to which he refused to let go..and looks around, " doesen't she look tense?" to which some hajaar other idiots replied, "yes yes..."(accompanied with vigorous nodding of heads)

"don't look so tense..." he continues...and i wanted to be swallowed up by the Sphinx...but i just smiled fakely and said.." I'll be fine sir..thanks!!"

is it time for me to just give up as yet?? the merging that is..in case anyone was wondering if i was going to let go of eco...nah...not as yet...will get my ass kicked around for some more time...it's humbling as ever and am getting used to it at an amazing pace...